This idea runs at the core of many of my letters: so much of life requires you to take the plunge. Sometimes it’s stepping into the shallows. Other times it’s hurling yourself off a cliff and hoping the water is deep enough to land in. (Not that I recommend doing this literally, though I can’t say I haven’t.)
Most people don’t realize this, but the majority of decisions you make in life are reversible. There are very few things you’re truly locked into.
That doesn’t mean you should make decisions carelessly or without thinking. You should consider the options, outcomes, and consequences. But you shouldn’t be so scared of making the wrong decision that it stops you from making one at all. Not making a decision is still a decision, and it’s usually a worse one.
The world makes you think you’re supposed to choose a path and stick to it forever. That’s rarely true. Changing course can be uncomfortable, inconvenient, or expensive, but it is very rarely impossible.
College? You can transfer.
A major or career path? You can change it.
Where you live? You can move.
Relationships are a bit more nuanced, but while you’re young, you should date different people. How could you possibly know what you want or love if you’ve never explored what the world has to offer? I admire people who marry their high school sweetheart, but I can’t imagine not learning my way through relationships by dating different people over the past decade.
Marriage deserves a special mention. I believe that when you get married, you should be all in. Divorce shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary. Yes, some marriages eventually make it clear they aren’t meant to last (that’s what divorce is for), but it’s a lifeline after you realize you’re drowning, not an exit you plan for from the start. There’s a great song lyric that says “if love was a plane, nobody’d get on”. And yet we still do. I think that’s beautiful. But that’s a letter for another time.
The older you get, the harder it becomes to change certain things. You have more responsibilities. You’re further along in a career. Switching paths might mean taking a pay cut. I get that. Which is exactly why you should try as much as you can before life inevitably tightens its grip.
It is okay to change your mind. It’s absurd that we expect 18 and 19-year-olds to pick a career path that will define their lives. Over 50% of people work in jobs unrelated to their major anyway. You can see that as depressing, or you can see it for what it really is: freedom. Try things. You never know what you might fall in love with.
You’re also allowed to change your mind about ideas and beliefs. That’s not weakness, it’s a sign of intelligence. You shouldn’t flip-flop on a whim, but when you’re presented with a thoughtful, compelling alternative, you owe it honest consideration.
Moving cities or changing jobs feels massive, but it’s rarely irreversible. Especially when you’re young, go live somewhere new. Maybe it becomes home.
Stop overthinking the small stuff. You want a new haircut? Do it. No one will remember either way. It’ll be a forgotten bad cut, or it’ll become your new style. You want to try a new hobby, a new routine, or date someone different? Fucking do it.
People spend far too much time worrying and not enough time doing. If you ask someone at the end of their life what they regret, it’s almost never the things they tried, it’s the things they didn’t.
So go do things. Put in a little effort. Take a little risk. Live your life. You can change your mind if it doesn’t work out. And remember: no one is going to do it for you.
-Mack
Let me know what you think.