If you know me, you know I love people. They’re my favorite part of life.
But even with a social battery larger than most, there are people I’d rather never see again. And then there are people I could spend endless hours, days, weeks, months, and years with.
You know who you are.
There are many types of people in each of our lives. Some we choose. Others… not so much. There’s a spectrum of choice, and I’ll get to that in a second. But first, I want to acknowledge something I’m incredibly grateful for: the people on the far end of that spectrum, the ones I didn’t get to choose (family), are amazing. I genuinely enjoy spending a lot of time with them. Maybe not endless time ;) but more than most people, I think.
When I say “spectrum of choice,” here’s what I mean.
Friends and partners sit at the far end. These are full-blown choices. If you don’t like your friends or your partner, that is entirely on you. You either make a change, or you accept being miserable.
Next are coworkers. I know that’s controversial, but you can always change jobs. Or start your own company, which honestly brings coworkers back to almost the same level of choice as friends.
Then there are in-laws. You technically have some choice here. If they’re truly awful, maybe your partner isn’t the one. (Yes, also controversial.)
And finally, there’s family. You’re just kinda stuck with them. And I strongly believe in the friends that become family but that’s a discussion for another time.
This spectrum matters because it also determines responsibility.
The more choice you have, the more accountable you are for who you keep around. And you need to be careful about spending time with the wrong people. The ones who drain you. Tear you down. Or quietly make you unhappy. You can’t always avoid them completely, but you should go out of your way to limit that time. It might be inconvenient. It might be awkward. It’s still worth it.
Life generally unfolds in the presence of one of these groups. Or at least, it used to. People are spending more time alone than ever before, so that statement is less true today than it was 20 years ago, and even more compared to 50 years ago.
That is not a good thing.
We are a social species. Loneliness is brutal for both mental and physical health. There are studies on this, but honestly, common sense is enough for me.
The moments and memories that make up a life are created by the people in it.
So choose well.
Spend your time with the people who give you energy. The people who lift you up. The ones who make you laugh. The ones who hold you. The ones who love you. The ones who would drop everything at a moment’s notice for you. The people you travel the world with. The people you build incredible things with. The people who raised you. The people you raise kids with. The people you’ll grow old with. The people who keep you young. The people who make hard times less hard, and the people who make it all worth it.
These are not all the same people.
Everyone serves a different purpose in your life. Your job is to find them, and to embrace the ones who fit you best.
So:
Answer the phone
Grab the coffee
Go to the reunion
Fly across the country
People are what make life worth living. This is true whether you love or hate people because even introverts love someone.
When my people say jump, I’m already in the air.
And don’t forget to tell them you love them.
Life’s too short not to.
Mack